Party Hardy

My be-lated birthday party was filled with bonfires, laughs, jokes, lap dances (haha my friends are hilarious.. and scary), HUGE burritos, the two cutest babies kissing (I wish I would've gotten a picture!), sweet toasts, crazy dancing in the middle of the street, & late night roadtrip to take a friend home accompanied by Jack in the Box.
It was one of my favorite birthday parties I've ever had for sure

Well how was I to know that what we carved in stone would be so temporary

Had a fun weekend with Rachel.

We had my be-lated birthday party but my camera died so besides my instax mini pictures these were the only ones I got.

It was a beautiful sunset.

wanna see a lot of yarn?

This is what I've been up to lately.

Surround by tons of yarn!

I've also been a live-in nanny the last few days because the weather has been too bad to drive back & forth to work in the mornings (ice galore)

But whatever I've been up to the most important task is that I'm constantly trying to keep my mind off the fact that my birthday is in five days.

Who is about to turn eighteen?

This girl!

Who isn't happy about it?

This girl ^

The Countdown starts... unfortunately...

1 month & 28 days

That's all I have left.

No, not all I have left to live.

But it feels like it.

My birthday is in one month & twenty eight days.

So many kids rush toward this birthday.

The big one eight.

The age of "adulthood".

But if there is one thing I've learn in my almost eighteen years is that age is just a number.

It doesn't make you an adult anymore than playing the guitar makes you Taylor Swift.

But for some reason I do feel like my childhood is coming to an end.

Its a depressing thought & makes me want to cry.

I've always thought I grew up fast,

That I've been taking care of myself for awhile.

at the age of sixteen I had almost complete freedom.

I worked very hard to earn my mothers trust at a young age & I honestly did my best to not brake that.

She believed I was mature enough to make my own decisions & that I understood the consequences.

At seventeen I started paying my own rent.

I make my own decision,

I work hard for the things I have,

I take care of myself.

But the idea of actually being 'on my own'.

of actually having to 'take care of myself' because I'm an adult & that's what I 'have' to do...

Its a horrible thought.

I've loved my childhood.

I don't want to grow up.

The diary of a young girl who is going through a mid-life crisis

Time.
That's whats been on my mind a lot on this relaxing day off.
I know most people cant wait till they turn 18.
'Freedom at last!'
I feel the complete opposite.
I was raised with a lot of freedom as I hit my teen years.
My moms rule was I could have freedom as long as I didn't brake her trust which, in all honesty, I've never really done. So my last few years I've had what most kids could only dream of. But I never took it to extremes, which I don't regret. I'm glad I didn't do EXTREMELY stupid things (not that I've never done any stupid things, I will admit I've had a fair share of those).
I think part of the reason becoming an adult is so bitter minus the sweet to me is because I've always expected myself to be so much further with my life.
I used to hate when people would ask me 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'.
I'd say 'No, its what do I want to be now.'.
I said I was going to accomplish everything & conquer everything before this age so when I was an adult I could find new things to accomplish & do.
So eighteen is not coming easy for me.
I have to not only worry about my career & school, but also, where I'm going from here.
Which is proven to be difficult seeing how a lot of things to me are depending on one certain thing that just seems to be in a constant stuck position.
I have no control of the situation either which is making me realize how much of a control freak I am!

Anyways,
because I want to end this post on a happy note so.. Let pretend like I'm actually looking forward to my birthday. What should I do for it?
I was thinking about doing it at a roller rink & to a 70's themed?
I'm just dying to bust out my tube socks & Farrah Fawcett hair.

Also, tonight I made a wish at 10/10/10 at exactly 10:10:10. It felt magical :)