Party Hardy

My be-lated birthday party was filled with bonfires, laughs, jokes, lap dances (haha my friends are hilarious.. and scary), HUGE burritos, the two cutest babies kissing (I wish I would've gotten a picture!), sweet toasts, crazy dancing in the middle of the street, & late night roadtrip to take a friend home accompanied by Jack in the Box.
It was one of my favorite birthday parties I've ever had for sure

Well how was I to know that what we carved in stone would be so temporary

Had a fun weekend with Rachel.

We had my be-lated birthday party but my camera died so besides my instax mini pictures these were the only ones I got.

It was a beautiful sunset.

Birthday Weekend in Instax Mini's

birthday outfit

My birthday was this past Thursday but Friday I went to visit my best friend Rachel & we went to this dinner theatre were you watch a movie as you eat.
All together pretty fun/ good.
This is what I wore

I know that this is one very small chapter of my life closing & a even better one awaits in from of me.
I am closing the door on my 'childhood' & stepping into a new World.
But is it wrong to say I am terrified or not ready?
Is it wrong to admit I'm even crying right now!?
Is it wrong that I've been so nervous my hands have been shaking the last few days?
Its not like I think anything is going to drastically change or be different besides that I am moving out soon & starting college ect..
well I guess that kind of is drastic but.. That's not what I'm freaking out about.
I just feel like life is going bye SO fast. & I am finally realizing I cant control the speed of it & that terrifies me so badly.
It scares me to know how fast the first 18 years have gone by & that sooner than I know I will wake up & be a mother & a wife & then an old woman with grey hair sitting in a rocking chair.
Its not that I dread any of those things because I don't! I'm actually quite excited about it!
But why cant things just stop?
Why does everything have to speed by?
I just feel like I need more time..
& yes, I really am crying right now.
I hope my birthday present isn't starting to be overly emotional like my mother.

18 things to do before I'm 19

I know I'm not 18 yet but its getting so close & I've been thinking about the things I want to accomplish this coming year so here goes:

1. Finish writing one of my books

2. Start college

3. Move into my own apartment

4. Become a donor

5. Go to Cozumel

6. Give up my addiction to soda

7. Throw a party

8. Be able to play the guitar in front of people

9. Be happy

10. Make new friends

11. Take an art class

12. Be able to speak fluently in at least one of the three languages I've been trying to learn

13. Cook & bake more

14. Open the 'shop' (its coming soon guys).

15. Get a new sewing machine & put it to good use

16. Get a tattoo

17. Take more film pictures

18. Travel

Like I said I am working on the shop but what's really been cool is I find most of the pieces I make are inspired by songs. So here is a playlist of some of those inspiring songs.

Its funny how I've been into so much softer music lately.

wanna see a lot of yarn?

This is what I've been up to lately.

Surround by tons of yarn!

I've also been a live-in nanny the last few days because the weather has been too bad to drive back & forth to work in the mornings (ice galore)

But whatever I've been up to the most important task is that I'm constantly trying to keep my mind off the fact that my birthday is in five days.

Who is about to turn eighteen?

This girl!

Who isn't happy about it?

This girl ^

The Countdown starts... unfortunately...

1 month & 28 days

That's all I have left.

No, not all I have left to live.

But it feels like it.

My birthday is in one month & twenty eight days.

So many kids rush toward this birthday.

The big one eight.

The age of "adulthood".

But if there is one thing I've learn in my almost eighteen years is that age is just a number.

It doesn't make you an adult anymore than playing the guitar makes you Taylor Swift.

But for some reason I do feel like my childhood is coming to an end.

Its a depressing thought & makes me want to cry.

I've always thought I grew up fast,

That I've been taking care of myself for awhile.

at the age of sixteen I had almost complete freedom.

I worked very hard to earn my mothers trust at a young age & I honestly did my best to not brake that.

She believed I was mature enough to make my own decisions & that I understood the consequences.

At seventeen I started paying my own rent.

I make my own decision,

I work hard for the things I have,

I take care of myself.

But the idea of actually being 'on my own'.

of actually having to 'take care of myself' because I'm an adult & that's what I 'have' to do...

Its a horrible thought.

I've loved my childhood.

I don't want to grow up.