30 Days of Truth | Day Eleven

Today's Topic: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

The Answer:

Lately I've been compliments on 'my body'.

Which I honestly, don't even understand.

30 Days of Truth | Day Ten

Today's Topic: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

The Answer:

I don't want to name names because this person kinda reads this blog (oops, I think that was to revealing.. but its not called "30 Days of Truth" for nothing.)

BUT!

There is one guy that I wish I didn't know.

He is an older guy who has done nothing but try to.. get things from me that I'd rather not give out.

He has put up this front like he wants to help me, & be my friend.

But he doesn't, he just likes to build me up to tear me down.

He puts down the people I care about & thinks I owe things to him..

why he'd think this I have no idea.

Its annoying & I'm getting tired of having this monkey on my shoulder constantly..

30 Days of Truth | Day Nine

I'm so behind with these I have three days to catch up on so lets get started!

Today's Topic: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

The Answer:
The girls in this picture!
They were my friends, my family.
We were in theatre together & I think we spent more time together than with our actually families!
Eventually we all separated for different reasons.
The theatre evaporated, some of us left before for person reasons or to focus on other things.
Nicole, Kandice, Courtney & Emily!
(also Allissa but she isn't pictured)
I love these girlies & miss them like crazy..
mmm..
I feel like a reunion is in order.

30 Days of Truth | Day Eight

So I'm pretty sure I'm behind a day... or two.. oops.. hehe

Today's topic: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

The Answer:
Well...
I think this award would have to go to my ex-bestfriend. (haha I feel so childish saying the word 'ex-bestfriend'.)
Bethany.
Well,
me & Bethany were inseparable.
We did everything together.
We were closer than I have been with any of my friends, still to this date.
We are no longer friends now because I decided to quit my dance team.
it was about two years ago when this happened & I wasn't being treated fairly on the team.
I was terribly ill (no seriously.. i almost died.. it was kinda traumatic) & i was being told that if I didn't make it to certain rehearsals I wasn't going to be able to be in my favorite dances, even though allowances were made for other people.. it was completely ridiculous & drama filled & even little me could see it so I made my decision.
In my 'best friends' anger from me quiting, her & her family spread rumours about me & the 'mysterious reason' i was so sick & quit the team so suddenly.
Before I knew it my supposed 'best friend' right along with her mother & sister were spreading a rumor around I was pregnant... Now let me tell you.. I still to this day wear a purity ring.. & at this time it was only shortly after I had had my first kiss!
Needless to say, I lost my best friend.
& the only other friend that I really was close to at the time emailed me, & of course I spilled my guts to her, telling her how unfairly I was treated, turns out.. she wasn't such a good friend either.
She printed my email out & showed it to everyone.
Hasn't said a word to me sense...
So Bethany & Holly.
yep.
they are the answer.

30 Days of Truth | Day Seven

Topic: "Someone who has made your life worth living for"

the answer:

my mommy.

maybe it sounds cliche,

but she has done everything for me.

things some moms never have had too.

from going through most of her pregnancy single with my biological father not wanting to be apart of my life,

to years later working two jobs, putting herself through college just trying to take care of me as a single mom with no other help or income.

She is amazing, & I love her.

30 Days of Truth | Day Six

Today's topic:

"Something you hope you never have to do"

The answer:

See my child or husband die before me...

I couldn't imagine the pain..

I hope I never have to deal with that..

I think I could deal with losing my husband if we were really old & I knew I was shortly behind but...

losing a child..

horrible.

I couldn't imagine it..

30 Days of Truth | Day Five

I know, I'm bad.

I didn't do mine for yesterday!

I actually fell asleep while I was writing it.. So I'll double up today.

Today's topic: "Something you hope to do in life"

the answer:

I hope to have a long, happy, successful marriage.

I want to truly love someone with all my heart for a life time.

I come from a family of failed marriages, relationships.. everything.

I personally have never met my father.

My mother ended a ten year marriage after years of emotional abuse & dishonesty.

I remember having one of my relatives telling me "Men cant be faithful. They will ALWAYS cheat".

That stuck in my head & scared me away from relationships for so long.

But now that I'm older & I realize those are just words of a bitter old lady.

But still, I have personally witnessed so much cheating & lies...

I feel sorry for my future husband.. cause I do have issues that will not be easily dealt with..

But I want a guy that WILL deal with them..

A guy that will prove to me that they are not all the same.

Some one that will honor me, cherish me & be faithful to me..

& someone I will do the same for,

because I know its a two way street.

30 Days of Truth | Day Four

"Something you have to forgive someone for"

the answer:

I need to forgive many people for dishonesty.
Things happen,
truths are twisted,
stretched.
Sometimes for mine, or others well being.
but because a few peoples dishonesty I look at everyone as a liar.
My trust is almost, obsolete.
I look at everyone as a liar, on a war path with some personal agenda to hurt me for their own personal gain.
Wow, that's a trip, huh?
I think I need to realize that there are good people in the world.
People that keep their word, & stick by others, even when they wont get anything out of it.
These people exist.

30 Days of Truth | Day Three

Today's topic is "What's something you have to forgive yourself for?"
I've thought about this all day & I must admit there were a few things I thought of,
I learned things about myself answering this for sure.

the answer:
In the past, I will say, Ive been a bit heartless.
I've played with peoples hearts, & emotions without caring.
I've been able to break peoples hearts & laugh in their face as they cried.
I do not exactly know what experience I went through in adolescence that made me so hard hearted for so long but it did cause me to be able to hurt people & not even care, to play people & not even think twice.
It wasn't until I had the same done to me about a year ago that I finally realized how hurtful I had been & I've really been able to sympathize.
So to the people I've hurt, I do apologize, I hope you can forgive, & one day I can forgive myself for not just the way I've treated the people in my life, but the emotionlessness I did it with...

30 Days of Truth | Day Two

Today's question was what do I love about myself:

{taken almost two years ago}

The thing I love about myself is that I'm very well rounded.

I love to crochet & bake cookies but I love to watch baseball & football.

I love trucks & motorcycles & I love working on cars & learning things about them.

I love classical music, I love screamo music, I love rock, & the classics & even country.

I love getting down & getting dirty. Working hard, playing in the mud. But I also like my hair, nails, & make up done, & I love dressing cute & keeping up with styles.

I am all about health & vegetarianism & veganism but.. sometimes I think we all need to curl up on the couch with a pizza & chow down.

I love the city, classy lofts & hip new restaurants but I love going out in the woods to my grandparents house & riding horses all day & having a good home cooked meal.

I love going to ballets & the theatre! But... I think my dream first date would be going to a UFC match!

30 days of truth {day one}

Today's topic is "What do I hate about myself".

Is it sad that this is probably the easiest one to answer?

Is it that way for other people too?

Is it sad that I actually have a list of things I hate about myself but I can barely think of something I love about myself?

I feel so, but here we go.

I hate that I quit dancing.
I hate that I have sincere anger problems. When I get mad, I flare up & blow up. I have no control over the things I do or say it feels like. For example, today I got so mad at some one, for something that wasn't even a big deal, but I started thinking about it & I hit the closets thing to me. Which was my dashboard, that now has a dint in it :/ & my wrist hurts.. I wish I could learn to step back & calm down because 10 minutes later I was embarrassed my the incident & didn't even know why I got so mad to begin with over something so dumb.
I hate that I barely ever finish anything, I get bored with things so fast.
I hate that I cant see what other people say about me...
I've been told my whole life how cool I was & how fun I was & how good of a friend I am.. I wish I saw what they see.

Can you handle the truth???

Today I decided to do Courtney's 30 days of truth.

I have to admit,

I haven't looked at ALL the questions on the list.

But for me it makes it that much better because I don't know what i'm agreeing to answer,

so I cant chicken out ;)

Here are the topics for the 30 days:
Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.